Lame of Thrones - The Battle at Westminster

Channel 4 news have broadcasted a severe UK warning that could have a major impact for the country.  Not to be confused by the current state of the June 2019 weather forecast, it was announced last night by renowned Channel 4 news presenter Jon Snow, that winter is coming.  

The news has led to worry and panic across the country, with many foreseeing a disturbing future to emerge from beyond the Westminster wall with an underlying fear that a white-haired walker could soon be upon us.

Another farcical game for the control of the four kingdoms shall soon be concluded and the residents of Great Britain are once again being forced to see someone new sitting on the iron Throne of Westminster.

No matter the outcome, the choice of whom that shall be looks vey bleak for the nation, in-particular when you consider the choice is made from within. 

The internal power struggles have been a source of embarrassment since 2016 and this Game of Thrones has become Lame on the Thrones due to the ongoing Battle of the Bastard that is Brexit. 

Once deemed a great nation with a prominent pedigree, the country now appears to be somewhat of a laughing stock due to an internal squabbling government.  It is a shame that currently those proud historic days can only now be seen through the eyes of a 3 eyed raven.

What lies ahead appears to be a major concern, a nation that seems to be dictated by a dated system which appears in need of a major reform.

The general public’s patience now appears to be wearing thin and this was evident as Channel 4 aired a live debate show after the news bulletin. 

In reaction to Jon Snow suggesting a new Night King could be a good thing, it was angrily shouted down by studio audience member Ygritte from a local Wildlings village further north of the north, replying ‘You know nothing Jon Snow!”

Jon Snow and Ygritte clashed at the TV debate.

"You know nothing Jon Snow!"

The Virgin Voter – GE17 – Don’t Be Influenced

As we head into the final week of campaigning for the General Election it shall be the opportunity for many to vote for the first time.

Everyone has their own view on who and why they shall be voting for a particular party come 8^th June, but as we see from sections of the media those opinions should not be pressurised or influenced for bias and self-gain.

Growing up I never really had a full understanding of politics and still to this day I do not claim to be a political expert, but as a parent I would encourage my children to listen to what is on offer via the political parties, read their manifestos and most importantly vote on what they see are the most important issues to them.

All of this should come without any influence or disagreement from the parent, in fact likened to days of the past a vote would usually be kept private, but I knew how my family voted and this factor meant it was an unintentional influence.

The young voter today has much more information available to them, but as mentioned previously media and social media can easily distract your reasoning through biased opinions. 

It is very important though that the first time voter has their say, after all they are the future and it is enlightening of their outlook for a better country and a better world they want to live in.

On this I would say out with the old and in with the new (this not a political biased stance).  Your vote should be for what you believe in.  This not only abides to the first time voter but the seasoned voter, just because you have traditionally voted for a party because you have always done so does not mean you have to continue this trait.

Educate yourself and vote in what could create a better future for you and your children, think for yourself and not those who try to influence.

British Politics Enters The Big Brother House

Watch your back because this years Big Brother has captured the whole nation and divided the country like no other before.  72% of the country have voted in what has been one of the most controversial editions of the show in recent history.

Smiles and friendships have soon turned into deceit and betrayal as agendas and own personal gain have become apparent with the wool not only been pulled over the eyes of the house mates, but also the voting public.

If you have been following closely, leader of the house Dave walked out after losing a task which was instrumented by a fall out in friendship between him and Boris.

Fighting in the house Boris and Dave

The turn of events that occurred were instigated by house mate Michael , who pulled together a counter team to plot the downfall of Dave in hope to scoop the prize of becoming winner of Big Brother.

"Listen Boris, they are cheering your name outside" Michael whispered into his ear as the latest candidate Jeremy was evicted from the house (he was voted out for offensive comments).  

"You can win with the right backing, there is no place for friendships here, it is about personal gain and empowerment. "

Boris smiled from the kitchen where the discussion was being held and called out across the room "Dave, I am about to make an Eton a mess, would you like a piece? "

Trying to cook up an Eton Mess in the kitchen,.
Boris and Michael.

With the sudden divide in the house Boris and Michael soon gained numbers in their campaign to oust Dave.  In doing so they enlisted controversial house mate Nigel, using him to draw further friction and conflict within the house.

Nigel had his own personal agenda though, he wanted everyone in the house to be of British origin and started barracking people

"You are just here for an easy ride wanting to become Z list celebrities in hope to appear on love island and I am a celebrity get me out of here!" shouted Nigel  "None of you have done a proper job in your life!"

"You are right Nigel, being a qualified doctor in cardiothoracic and vascular surgery is not a proper job"  sarcastically claimed one house mate "being able to study and qualify and then practice in different arenas would not come into the equation."

A younger house mate then challenged Nigel "You feel it is your right to decline the opportunity for younger people to the Eramus programme allowing us to study and work at Universities across the EU?"

"What about the collaboration and benefits to science, research and innovation?"  added another  

“Yes, grants and funding helping the UK fight against Parkinson’s disease, malaria, breast cancer and alzheimer’s?”

"No Nigel, we are not laughing now!"

As the house mates continued their master plan, the likes of Nigel, Boris and Michael claimed that if they won Big Brother they would put the winnings into the NHS service, a claim that has now been strongly denied

As Dave walked out of  the Big Brother House, Michael winked at Boris then said "See Boris, you are the popular one, they believe in you."

A loud voice then sounded across the house "This is Big Brother, would Michael please come to the diary room."

Michael left his seat and ventured into the diary room " Hello Big Brother."

Big Brother responded " Hello Michael."

"Well Big Brother, my first nomination is..................for Boris"

Stabbed firmly in the back Boris left the Big Brother house in a worse state than when entered and before voting began.

Boris leaving the Big Brother House

With just 5 contenders left in the house who shall be crowned winner between Theresa, Michael, Stephen, Andrea and Liam.  Who has the best leadership qualities to keep the house standing.

Who wins, you don't really get to decide.

 

The Britiots Home And Abroad

Great Britain is a nation obsessed with the weather. If it isn't the topic of conversation as an ice breaker, then it is headline news in the media as dear old blighty have an inability to cope with snow, rain or sun. 

The people of Britain just can not handle any climate change, but out of the 4 seasons it is summer where the country goes into the biggest hysterical frenzy.

Just as everyone begins to moan of “not having a proper summer”, the sun decides to appear from behind those dark grey clouds and it is at this point that all hell breaks loose across the UK.

“Today is going to be a scorcher!” announces the weather girl and due to these 7 words Britain becomes the capital of the fashion victims’ sunshine cat walk!
Before your eyes you can not avoid the sights in front of you. Everywhere you turn you’ll see the t-shirts have come off and the saggy man breasts are on show, this shall usually be accompanied by pulled up white cotton socks and a pair of sandals or branded trainers.  If you head down to the beach you may even be lucky enough to see the sprouting haired budgie smugglers parade in association with Speedos.

The appearance of the sun also means………BARBECUE! Come on people of Britain, you’ve got to have a barbecue!

This means everyone rushes down to their local supermarket, grabs a shopping trolley and fills it full to the brim with charcoal and as much fresh meat as possible.  The thought behind this is that not only can we Brits burn our own bodies to a crisp in the sun, but hey lets go the full hog and also burn our dinner the same way.  This may not sound particularly healthy, but you’ll be wrong as those dripping with fat sausages and burgers shall of course be accompanied with a healthy side salad.
I am sure many of you have witnessed that particular scorching hot Saturday, where hundreds of Brits (donning their white socks, sandals and saggy man breast look) are all queuing up at the checkout ready to purchase burgers, steak, sausages, chicken and the one family sized pack of salad.
This is all in aid for later in the day, so whilst the beautiful weather is enjoyed, we can also tuck into a fine selection of dry meats in a delicious charcoal marinade, which is then washed down with a cold can of Stella Artois.
However, these sunny days in Britain are usually few and far between, which means millions of UK residents embark on a holiday abroad so they can capture more than one or two days of sun.
Whilst enjoying the nice weather, you could be led to believe that they may also want to sample a different culture, educating themselves whilst enjoying the traditional food. 
What us Brits? Don’t be so ridiculous!  Why on earth would you envisage that!? After all we already have Blackpool!  It is just the case of needing the sun to go with it!
The most feasible financial solution is the packaged holidays, where families have been saving all year to enable them to get away from the regular norm and groundhog day. 
Imagine yourself in the familiar scenario, it is the start of your holiday adventure and everyone is full of excitement looking forward to their 7-14 day break. This is until you reach the airport and reality sinks in as you find yourself surrounded by the type of people for whom you were attempting to escape from.

You board the plane everyone is searching for their seat and all you can hear is the over head lockers being slammed open and shut every 5 seconds.  You eventually find your seat and hope (for the sake of your own sanity) you shall not be sat or situated near the holiday travellers from hell.

You have an early morning flight and have been up since 2am, all you are thinking of is how nice it would be to get some shut eye before reaching your holiday destination. Just then a woman sits down next to you and out of no choice of your own engages you in conversation.  This woman of course suffers from the common travel sickness bug known as verbal diarrhoea. 

This is not the relaxing start to the holiday you wanted, as you have to endure listening to her moan and groan about previous holidays, flying phobias and her husband’s heat rash in the groin area. 
If this wasn’t enough, you then get the feeling that the back of your seat is being kicked.  Yes, it is the parent who can not control her brat child from continuously kicking your seat.

Then to top it all off,  on your right hand side it is the family who can not speak without shouting as they begin the traditional chav on a plane ritual.

"DO YOU WANT SOME DUTY FREE DEREK?"

"WHAT TRACE?"

"DUTY FREE DEREK? ANY FAGS?"

“WHAAAAT?”

“FAGS AND BOOZE!”

Finally you reach your chosen airport destination and you get off the plane feeling drained, wondering if your ears are hard of hearing due to the high altitude or because of the verbal diarrhoea and the chav shouting.  
You know this is not the end though, you know you must now be fully prepared, prepared to do battle. 
Through our great British history we have had the Battle of Hastings and the Battle of Trafalgar, but nothing can ever prepare you for the Battle to collect your luggage!
Your personal space is about to be invaded, you become surrounded by man, woman, teenager and child.  The charge begins, as everyone is pushing and shoving each other just so they can obtain that ideal standing position to watch the luggage go round and round on the conveyor belt. 
You feel trapped, there is no where to hide as you become embroiled in the commotion as you attempt to avoid the BO stench from the sweaty travellers from the hot 2 hour plus flight. 
To the other holiday makers it does not matter though, it does not matter who may get in their way, it does not matters if they pick up wrong suitcases as they can just throw it back on the conveyor belt with no real care, all that matters to them is……...…….“I must get my suitcases!!!!!!”

Finally you collect your luggage and are directed by a holiday rep to a coach which shall take you to the resort and your hotel destination. The coach driver helps with your luggage allowing you the get on the air conditioned coach, you take your seat, surely now is the time to relax. 
You are joking right?  Just at that moment, just when you thought about a peaceful rest of the journey, Derek, Trace and their family get on the same coach.
The thoughts of that peaceful and relaxing journey go out the window, as you instead spend the duration of your time on the coach praying that certain people are not gong to be dropped off at the same hotel as you.

As you wait in anticipation for their hotel drop off, you gaze out the coach window witnessing beautiful scenery and unspoilt areas. You are then driven through another resort and it is here you think it must surely be Derek and Trace’s drop off point.

The resort is most definitely a tourist area as you can easily identify the stereotypical Brit walking along the strip heading towards bars named The Dog and Duck and Red Lion, with advertising placards offering full English breakfasts, roast dinners and fish and chips.

You can also spot good old blighty on the beach, as you witness one Brit with their top off, sporting a football club crest tattoo on their chest while her husband is burning to a crisp as he resembles a human lobster.

The coach stops at a hotel in this resort, it is the penultimate stop and as expected Derek, Trace and their 2 children get off the coach. You breathe a huge sigh of relief and finally relax as the coach driver starts the engine in preparation to take you to your chosen resort and hotel.

Then, suddenly you hear noises, loud noises with a very familiar grating tone

" WRONG HOTEL DEREK, WRONG HOTEL! WE NEED THE NEXT STOP!" 

“Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

Derek and Trace get back on to the coach and head to the same resort and hotel as you.

Breaking Bad – The Best Product On The Market

You are diagnosed with terminal cancer, fully aware that what time you have left is slowly ticking by.  With this tragic scenario upon you, how would you choose to spend what time you have left?

In the world of television you could perhaps choose the Hayley Cropper route, living your remaining days on the cobbles of Coronation Street, surrounded by Norris, Rita and Deirdre. Spending the high percentage of time you have left working at the local knicker factory and spreading butter on Roy's buns.

Or you could choose the route of a down on their luck chemistry teacher, deciding that what time remains is better spent using those chemistry skills, making sure your family are financially secure by cooking and dealing crystal meth, leading the way to becoming a millionaire drug king pin.

By the latter, I am of course referring to Walter White, the iconic anit-hero of AMCs outstanding TV series Breaking Bad.  In a recent blog I debated the superiority of TV drama from the US and how it potentially has more depth, allowing character development, better story telling and essentially providing a worthier all-round viewing in comparison to cinema.  If ever there was a TV show to define this claim and have evidence to back this, then it has to be Breaking Bad. 

If you have indeed been hiding under a rock for the past several years or perhaps only limit your viewing time to mainstream TV, Breaking Bad follows the story of over qualified chemistry teacher Walter White, a down on his luck family man who also works part-time in a car wash establishment to provide for those he loves most.  When Walter is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, he makes plans to ensure his wife Skyler, son Walter Jnr and soon to be born daughter are to be financially secure after his death. 

However, we are not talking about your usual pension plan or life assurance, Walter has a far bigger contingency plan.  He decides the best way forward in providing financial security and payment for his chemotherapy treatment is to come up with a business venture.  Now this sort of business strategy is not one that requires a visit to the bank in anticipation your business loan is successfully approved.  Instead Walter decides that he should use his exceptional skills as a chemist and team up with ex-school pupil and small time drug dealer Jesse Pinkman. The most unlikely of business partnerships is then formed as the pair produce and manufacture (cook) crystal meth, enabling them to sell their product on the streets.

From season 1 through to the concluding final season, viewers around the globe have been glued to their TV screens as they witness Walter and Jesse go from small time dealers to then produce the finest, most wanted product in the market.

Of course this all comes at a price, as success leads to egos and greed and a foray of catastrophic events change both Walter and Jesse’s lives forever. 

The path of both characters is intriguing to watch and their change in personalities become apparent.  Especially in the case of Walter as he tries to hide his secret life from his family, which is even tougher when your own brother-in-law is the investigating DEA agent trying to bring down the infamous drug lord Heisenberg (AKA Walter White).

As the story unfolds you see how a family man with ethics and principles can completely change, lies and deceit become a natural trait for Walter who stops at nothing to get what he wants. Unfortunately for him this leads to relationships with his family and Jesse to become beyond repair.

What makes Breaking Bad stand out from other shows is that from the outset each season provides a story and plot that just gets better and better.  Breaking Bad goes the distance without lapsing and concludes with an adrenalin hitting impact on the viewer, this is the power behind Breaking Bad.

The show is unlike any other before, it does not lose momentum, there is not the disappointment of its eventual ending, this is because the story concludes at its peak, it finishes at the top. 

The credit for this has to go to creator Vince Gilligan on knowing when to conclude the story and for creating the character of Walter White.  His creation is sure to lead Walter White in becoming a cult icon in the same league as a Tony Montana, a Michael Corleone or a Tony Soprano. This of course would not have been possible without the superb portrayal by Bryan Cranston, who along with Aaron Paul’s Jesse Pinkman provide phenomenal performances throughout the show.

It was interesting to hear that the character of Jesse was originally only to be seen in season one, with an original concept he would then be killed off.  Looking back on the show and this notion, could any of us imagine Breaking Bad without Jesse Pinkman and those “Bitch” quotes.

High praise must go to all behind the show, cast and crew.  All involved are responsible for making arguably the finest TV show of our generation.  Maybe I should reconsider that statement, as Breaking Bad as a complete package has to go down as one of the greatest TV show ever made.


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Jack Bauer is Back at CTTU - Counter Terrible Twos Unit

Life has been tough for Jack Bauer since retiring from CTU.  In fact Jack now realised that saving the world from crazy minded terrorists was a breeze in comparison to the real world.  Having already taken on the chaotic evils of rush hour traffic, Jack decided the easier solution would be to avoid these traumas and work from home for the day.

Jack's thinking behind this was not only due to the UK roads, he was also feeling pressure at work as he struggled to manage his ever increasing portfolio, whilst dealing with constant ad hoc emails. Jack came to the conclusion that if he worked from home then surely it would lead to a more proactive day. He was bound to get more done, after all he would be avoiding those constant interruptions that occur at head office. 

While he worked from home, Jack had kindly agreed to look after his 2 year old grandaughter Terri. Jack's daughter Kim was a working mum, but unfortunately on this day she had no child care, as regular child minder Nina Myers had suspiciously phoned in sick that morning.

Always happy to help out in a crisis, Jack volunteered to dual task his day job with quality time with his grandaughter.  However, unknown to him at the time, our hero was again to embark on another one of those days.

 

The following takes place between the core office working hours of 9am and 5pm, events occur in real time.

 

Jack booted up the laptop ready for his working day ahead, he made himself a coffee and prepared Terri breakfast. Jack then got some toys out for Terri which included jigsaw puzzles, colouring in books and crayons. He then sat at the dining room table and cracked on with his work.  

The first hour went quickly and very positively as Jack cleared down some of the email traffic that had become the bane of his life, Terri meanwhile had been transfixed to Peppa Pig on the television whilst she half heartedly attempted to do one of the jigsaw puzzles.

As the countdown of the 24 hour clock moved into the next hour, Terri had moved onto her colouring books and Jack continued his work.  However it suddenly appeared to be a bit too quiet for Jack’s liking, he looked out the corner of one eye and his suspicions were confirmed. He turned half circle in his chair to see Terri holding a crayon which she was edging towards Jack's newly decorated living room wall.

"TERRI" shouted Jack

"Yes Granddad"

"Put the crayon down"

Terri just stared at Jack with a wry smile of menace.

"Terri put the crayon down NOW!"

Terri continued to smile, edging the crayon nearer and nearer to the wall

Jack's mobile phone then rang, it was company secretary Chloe O'Brian "Jack, it's Chloe, I have just been asked by CEO Chappelle if you have finished that tender?"

"Chloe, I am currently in a crisis here, I cannot really talk"

"Are you OK Jack? What is the situation?"

"I am in lock down with a crayon armed two year old"

"Do you need back up Jack? Any negotiation required?

"Chloe you know the rules we do not negotiate with two year olds"

Jack then ended the call so he could focus back on the situation with Terri.  "Damn it Terri put the crayon down!!!!"

Terri just continued to stare at Jack, she seemed in a mischievous mood and was keen to test the boundaries.

Jack had no choice, he succumbed to negotiation.  "Do you want those chocolate buttons Grandad got you?"

Terri smiled and nodded.

"Then put the crayon down" Jack said calmly

Terri started to lower her hand and Jack sighed with relief, "Good girl Terri"

Then just as Jack thought he had the situation in hand, Terri giggled, raised her arm and scribbled crayon all over the wall!

"Damn it Teri!!!! Damn it! Naughty step now!"

Jack took Terri by the arm as they headed towards an interrogation on the naughty step.

"Damn it Terri!  You stay there and think about what you have done and you stay there until Grandad says otherwise!" Jack continued with his telling off "Grandad has only just decorated! Damn it!! Damn it!!!”

The 24 hour clock ticked away for a further 2 minutes and Jack returned to the naughty step to again come face to face with Terri.

"Have you got something to say Terri?" asked Jack

Terri shrugged her shoulders and twiddled with her hair, thumb in mouth.

"What do you say Terri?

Terri looked up at her Grandad and said “Damn it Grandad? Damn it?”

 “No Damn it….I mean no Terri and don’t repeat those words to mummy” Jack continued “What do you say for drawing on Grandad’s wall?”

Terri’s only response was visual, as she frowned at Jack.

"Do you want me to have to call Nanny?" Jack then continued "You think she shall be pleased about this behaviour?"

Terri sheepishly looked up at Jack and in the cutest way possible said "Sorry Grandad." 

The crayon siege was over, the naughty step interrogation finally resolved, but the commotion of these events had meant Jack was playing catch up on his working day.  As he sat back down at the table he looked at his laptop screen then shouted in pure frustration "Damn it!" Damn it! I give up! I give up!" 

Having cleared down over 30 emails that morning, his inbox had now doubled since dealing with ‘operation crayon’.

Reacting to the out cry Terri asked in that cute voice "You OK Grandad?"

Jack smiled "Yes princess.”  He tried to think quickly on his feet and explained “I’m singing Terri."  He then disguised his stressed tone by changing the words around and sang "Jam it! Jam it! Give it up! Give it up!"

Terri's eyes lit up, she ran to her toy box, searched high and low then presented Jack with her musical Rastamouse microphone. She then demanded that Grandad should get up to sing and dance with her.  So instead of clearing down more unwanted emails, Jack spent 30 minutes dancing to Rastamouse, Scratchy and Zoomer. Jack was indeed part of the easy crew, a crime fighting agent of CTU, playing reggae music whilst trying to work through.

It had now reached midday and Jack had only managed one hour of work.  So after lunch he thought it would be a good idea to take Terri to the park, it would allow her to burn off some energy and relieve any boredom.

At the park, Terri was in her element as Jack pushed her on the swing with her asking Grandad to push her higher and higher.  At this time the park was empty, until a mother came along with her son and they headed towards the see-saw.

“Damn it Grandad! My see-saw! Mine” shouted Terri

“No, remember Terri, we share don’t we? And stop saying Damn it”

Terri then pointed directly at the boy on the see-saw “Don’t like him, my see-saw, my swing!”

Jack panicked out of embarrassment, he looked at his watch and said to Terri “I think it is time to go now. Grandad needs to get back to work.”

All hell then broke lose as Jack tried to wrestle Terri from the swing to the pushchair.  On lookers walked by and witnessed Jack trying to put Terri into her buggy.  It was reminiscent of Jack’s old CTU days, as it sounded like he was carrying out an unauthorised act of torture in an attempt to prize out some information.  But all poor old Jack was actually trying to do was get Terri in her buggy.  You would however thought otherwise by the tantrum and screaming coming from her.

“Come on Terri now, don’t be silly”

“Waaaaaaah, waaaaaah “

“Don’t you want those chocolate buttons??????”

“Waaaaaaah Noooooo”

“Do you want to go home and watch Toy Story?”

“Waaaaaah Nooooo”

“Damn it Terri! Stop the noise”

“Waaaaaaaah don’t like you Grandad!

Eventually Jack got Terri buckled into her buggy and he pushed her home.  He was going at a speed so fast you thought he was in fact on the run from his own government.

Jack and Terri arrived home, Terri was back on the naughty step and Jack was reaching for the bottle of wine, it was now time to drink on the job, he was starting to realise this going to work lark was a doddle in comparison to being ‘mum’ for the day.

Another interrogation on the naughty step was resolved and all was happy in the house again after ‘operation pushchair’.

The 24 countdown clock continued and it just passed 3pm, Jack again sat down at the table, again he looked at his laptop screen, the emails in his inbox had now trebled.  It was then déjà vu as Jack burst into tears, just as he had done in the last episode of season 3 of 24. Yes, the state of Jack’s inbox was indeed as emotional as having to cut off Chase Edmund’s handcuffed hand with an axe. Yes, it was also as traumatic as having to kill his own boss due to terrorist demands.

The talk of handcuffed hands brings us to the 24 hour clock approaching 4pm and Jack’s day was not over just yet. Again as he attempted to tackle his 400 emails, he again saw someone out the corner of his eye.  He turned around to see Terri stood beside him wearing her Police Officers dressing up outfit.

“I handcuff you Grandad” Terri directly told Jack.

Jack was then handcuffed to his chair whilst trying to respond to emails.  It was hard enough trying to reply to emails with just 2 index fingers, let alone when handcuffed.

Just at that moment there was a sound of a key in the door lock, it was Kim who had returned from work and was ready to pick up her daughter.  As she opened the door she was shocked to witness her father, a man who once escaped from being held hostage by the Chinese government, now being handcuffed to his own dining room chair by his 2 year old granddaughter.

Kim burst into laughter and then duly un-cuffed her dad from the captivity in his own home.  Kim then stopped for a coffee and listened to her dad suggest that it was conspiracy that Nina had phoned in sick that morning.  In fact Jack went as far as to accuse Nina of being a mole and that she was working for a competitor to the tender bid he was working on, he then implied it was all part of a plan to sabotage it.

Kim and Terri eventually left for home around 4.45pm. Jack returned to the dining room table to try again in his efforts to start his days work. As he sat down, he expressed a big smile, he was already missing Terri and laughed to himself as he recalled the fun he had sharing his day with her.  He then began to go through the emails, his working day finally started and it was now to take place between 5pm and midnight, events to occur in real time.

 

Jack Bauer shall return in Marky Banham Blogs

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Let’s Unite To Reform Our Children's Music Education

Panning over four decades from the sixties to the nineties we felt safe in the knowledge that our children would have an enjoyable and high standard of music education.  Although the eighties bought a slight dip in the league tables with Black Lace, Rene and Renata and Joe Dolce with ‘shut uppa you face’, the 90s restored our faith with A grade results as grunge, Britpop, alternative rock and house came onto the scene. 

However the decade of the noughties did not restore the faith and the high standards set by the 90s vanished, as mainstream music began a decline that has never really recovered. 

The state of the music industry today has now left parents in disarray, with no faith in the system, the real worry is of their children’s education and what the future could bring.

So, has the damage already been done? Or can we save our children from the likes of X Factor, Louis Walsh, Ollie Murs, One Direction and Gangnam style? 

There is belief and hope, but the responsibility can not all be down to the parent(s), support is needed and that must be high on the criteria of schools across the country.

As a father of a teenage daughter myself, I have in the past tried to educate her to listen to The Red Hot Chilli Peppers or Radiohead but I was frowned upon as it being old man's music. The mention of going to see a Frank Turner gig just received the response of ‘talk to the hand’. For her to grasp that Rage Against The Machine being Christmas number One instead of some X Factor contestant was a good thing, was to her totally baffling.

Parents require the schools to be involved and they need to act fast.  Times are always changing, so in the present day is there really any benefit for children to be learning how to play musical instruments such as the recorder or the triangle.  Isn't it more beneficial to hand them an electric guitar from an early age, or introduce them to the drums or mixing decks.  Let’s introduce them to a double music lesson watching highlights of 1994 at Glastonbury or Reading. Educate them that it is OK to smash up the school provided electric guitar and for them to dive into a full drum kit set, this is surely the education that they require.

I have learnt it is key to educate your children as early as possible.  A prime example of this is a friend of mine who educated her daughter at very early age by substituting her daughter’s ‘Nursery Rhyme Collection CD’ with her own musical preferences. So instead of Wheels on the bus and Humpty Dumpty she was already getting down to The Prodigy's Smack My B*tch Up and Nirvana's Smell's like Teen Spirit. At that age however, a more apt version could have been ‘I am the tantrum starter’ by The Prodigy, as well as ‘Smells Like the terrible twos spirit ‘from Nirvana.

It is tough for parents out there though. It is easier for a parent to find out that their teenage son has been hiding a copy of playboy in their bedroom or you caught them red handed cigarette in mouth, after all we ourselves have all been there before.  However what do you do if you find out your daughter has downloaded Olly Murs latest album or find a copy of a One Direction annual under their bed?  There are no support lines, there are no counselling sessions you can take them to, the only real action is send them cold turkey to their bedroom with proper music.

You can not blame children though, we all know it is indeed a cruel and nasty world out there and if your child gets into the wrong crowd at school you as the parent can feel helpless.  I again urge that schools need to act, there needs to be tougher guidelines.  I propose that taking a One Direction pencil case to school should most definitely lead to detention and that anyone listening to Olly Murs on their IPod on the school bus should face suspension.

It is not easy for the kids though, I can recall myself growing up and how I could have easily taken the wrong path and the slippery slope to uncoolness. I look back and wonder why my parents were not more supportive.  It was at the age of 12, I remember asking my step-dad if he could buy me the 45” single of ‘Just Say No’ by the cast of Grange Hill. My step-dad, was well educated, he was a Stones, Grateful Dead and Springsteen man, but unlike the single sang by Zammo and Roland Browning, he didn’t say no, and instead he bought me a copy of the single.

Luckily I eventually fell into the right crowd, I was introduced to Morrison (Jim not Mark), Hendrix, Marley and later I found Cobain, Vedder and Grohl., Some though are not as lucky, from that moment they fell into that trap of a Wham or a Kajagoogoo there was no help available, they then fall into that circle that leads them to Take That and Boyzone and now in their forties they go to Westlife and Five reunion shows..

As I have been writing this blog, a coincidental moment occurred, my eldest daughter told me that whilst washing up she shall be listening to Green Day. She seems happy, she knows I also approve, it appears she has fallen into the right crowd, I now know I can sleep well tonight. For others out there this may not be the case and that is why we need act now and unite together in our fight against the dark side of the music industry.

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